Maybe you grew up with a dad who was always working...
...and when he was home, he wasn't really there either.
He did well. The bills got paid. There was money for the things that needed money.
But you didn't see much of him in the week. And when you did, his head was somewhere else. On the phone, on the next job, on whatever had gone wrong that day.
Maybe you're close to him now. Maybe you're not. Plenty of people stop speaking to a dad like that altogether.
(If it was your mum who was always working, swap her in. The rest of this still applies.)
And maybe, somewhere along the way, you made yourself a promise...
...I won't be like him.
Then you started a business. Or took the big job. Or both.
Nobody decides to turn into that parent. It creeps in one sensible decision at a time.
A call after tea, because this client matters. (They all matter.)
The laptop back open once the kids are down, because it's only twenty minutes.
The phone face up at dinner, because something might come in.
Each of those makes sense on its own. You'd defend every one of them, and so would I.
Now look at them from the other side of the table.
On one Mumsnet thread, a mum shared what her child had said about their dad's hours: "Dad goes to work, that's it."
Six words. That's the whole of him, to that kid.
Researchers in Italy studied 146 working families and found that fathers who worked to excess were more likely to have adult children who did the same. Their explanation was simple. Kids pick it up by watching.
Here's my lesson for you today...
The parent you don't want to be is usually at home. They're just thinking about work.
That's harder to fix than the hours, because nobody can see it from the outside. Your diary looks fine, you were there for tea and you did the bath.
But the kids can see it. You probably saw it yourself, growing up.
I run a business and I'm a dad of two, and I still catch myself doing low-thinking jobs on the sofa in the evening. So this isn't coming from someone who's cracked it. Kids & Clients is where I'll share what's working, what isn't, and what other parents running a business do about it.
Hit reply to any of my emails and tell me...
What's the last thing your kids said about your work?
Even one line. I read every one.
Aaron